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| I was comatose. But I am revived.
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| RJ Poel is a perv...who didn't see that coming?
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| - "black"The killings and face-punchings escalated to previously untouched levels in the last few weeks. Several bums were slain by Rivertown security personnel who were way outside of their jurisdiction.
As folks like Dumpster Rummage Bum found their way into the stairwells underneath Cinemark theatre, more and more theatre goers were accosted for any sort of spare change or over-priced Milk Duds that patrons may have had left over. One of those security buffoons was punched repeatedly by D&W Parking Lot Bum, who we all know won't take crap. As D&W Parking Lot Bum punched and punched, security guy's mountie-hat was crumpled into a little velvet ball of stupid. Well, that didn't sit well with the rent-a-cop union, who traced DRB and DWPLB back to Jenison.
The ensuing battle was not pretty. Beginning behind one of Jenison's ubiquitous dollar stores, or...second hand shops. I don't really remember which. But that's not the point. There was a clash of biblical proportions. One faction led by Church Basement Bum used guerrila warfare to actually kill about 24 mall security guards. Those who remained took out their aggression on Face's regiment, slaughtering about a dozen in a ratty sweater, plastic badge, scraggly bearded, flashlit free for all that ended in tears and bleeding. Mostly tears, but lots of bleeding.
Shopping carts were confiscated. Aviators were scratched. Cop-staches were tugged. The entire Berger Estates development was torched (in an unrelated insurance scam incident).
As human feces and bum corpses continue to congeal in the man-made chamberpot known as Maplewood Lake, the feds (township board) declared it unswimmable because of e. coli. Well, what do you think happens when all sewers drain into the same place cops dispose of charred human remains? Yet another way in which government legislates what should be obvious to even a Hudsonville resident.
But, the strawberry pickers on break will continue to eat whatever they catch from that cesspool.
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| Dozens of pedestrians are run down on the streets of Jenison every day, but none were as kind to us bums as Lindsey Nieuwkoop, who was the latest victim last night. Everyday, she would come into our shelter and give us leftover pinto beans and oatmeal. So we're hoping she made it. There was some delay, since Dumpster Rummage Bum forgot the number for 9-1-1. But since everyone in Jenison owns at least one cell phone, we were covered.
We're pulling for you Lindsey.
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| So the port-o-john (at Pioneer Park) that most of us crash in has been looking pretty rough lately. Some tool wrote about Jeff being gay or some such thing that nobody cares about.
My main concern is that this amazing toilet has been defiled by a bunch of punk teenagers who probably love their Gnarls Barkley or Dogg Pound. I know I do.
Face, who survived the D&W-to-Family Fare transition like a champ, finally surfaced again. He had been making shivs. He was planning to use these to stuff in people's ribs who attempt to mace him with mace. Nobody mace's Face's face with mace. Dumpster Rummage Bum was helping him and asked, "Face, what are you doing with all those shivs? You have like 128 shivs."
Face said, "Shivs are the new AK-47s. When you absolutely, positively have to stab every (person) in the room."
Oh, I found out that VK isn't running..for...whatever it is he's not running for, it's his dad. I've met his dad. He politely asked me to get off his roof. Which I can understand.
With all the remodeling at Meijer, do you think they're going to put in a restroom with more than one stall and a rusty ol' sink? I've used a pay phone in bigger rooms than Meijer's bathroom. If they get serious and want to have a toilet-to-customer ratio greater than 1:5000, I'm calling all the guys and we will go in and finally have a place to wash up. We've been doing the sink-showers at Fair Haven, but I think they are getting wise to seeing 17 smelly bums wander in, and then wander out 3 minutes later smelling less smelly.
Oh yeah, when I saw them close down the intersection at Chicago Drive and Cottonwood, I figured they were finally getting rid of that stupid railroad crossing. But no, they shut it down for repair, causing enormous inconvenience in the short term that will perpetuate inconvenience for how ever long rail shipping is useful. Hopefully when President Taft takes office he will make some changes, and make Jenison a motorcar town. Hello, the 1800's ended like 80 years ago.
True, only a couple of us have the motor skills or the sobriety to drive with any kind of skill, and when we do, its behind the wheel of a car we are figuring out on the fly...since...you know, none of us actually own a car. But I say this on behalf of the now over 42,000 Jenison residents who can't wait to get out of here as fast and as orderly as possible, but can't, because of the railroad track that goes through. Everyday, I lob molotov cocktails at Georgetown Township Hall in protest, but our illustrious Mayor Marv Albert doesn't get the message. I swear, our inept township leaders are little more than a pack of stillborn rhesus monkeys, completely incapable of any action that isn't ceremonial or symbollic.
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